Interesting quote I came across today...."The female, with the rarest exceptions, is less eager than the male... she is coy, and may often be seen endeavouring for a long time to escape." (Darwin 1871) ...

Fiction in a Flash Number 81 - You

In my manuscript, the words,  my choice

The illumination, you, my sun,  rejoice

My future self love develops loving me as you have love shown

Depth beyond words, tenderness, care all whilst freedom had a home

Know you without doubt eternally etched upon my heart

That gratitude - words fail - I know not where to start.

For more 55 word FIAF, click here. :)

The point of no return and a final warning issued today....

His solution - since my birthday - and I have tried for more than a month - but he won't move on his position - there is only one way - his way - I submit to his wishes and life being all about him and be a proper subservient stay at home conservative wife otherwise he will financially and socially ruin me. 

Yea, ok so I'm finally at the point where bring it on, I'll deal with it.

As for taking his solution : Um, not a chance.

My answer:

"The  American Conference of Governmental Industrial Hygienists (ACGIH) has assigned nitroglycerin a threshold limit value (TLV) of 0.05 ppm (0.46 mg/m(3)) as a TWA for a normal 8-hour workday and a 40-hour workweek. The ACGIH also assigns a "Skin" notation to nitroglycerin [ACGIH 1994, p. 28]. ... careful you exceeded your limit by 15 years and 3000 miles won't save you."

I'm so done.

The new man in my life....

Well, the new bike in my life (wink).
He's officially mine.
He's got a poly sheet under him to check for leaks - doubt there will be any but might as well start as ya mean to go on....
All secured and covered for now, bit by bit will get to know his bits (grin).
Still hasn't quite sunk in yet, but ... that's cause he has to sit there till I can officially ride him....
So there will be lots of polishing, lots of investigating every nook and crannie ....
Lots of making sure all the bits are seen to ...
yep, it's a deep joy and an incentive to progress with my riding lessons ....
Only two hurdles left.
Mod 1
and
Mod 2.
Will be taking advanced lessons on HIM!!!!  (assuming all is well.)
But yep, falling for him already. :)
Hopefully he'll love me back.
I will be giving him plenty attention and making sure he's treated like the honoured beast he is and I'm sure I have a decade of fun ahead at least.
Oooo new lovers are just grand.....
such a boost for the girl - a much needed boost.

No young man, you don't understand...

Older ladies can really make me chuckle sometimes ... and something along the title lines said by a woman old enough to know better and feeling too young to care ... has my appreciation and admiration.  They have a certain style to them that is just wonderful.  If you're one count yourself proud, if ya gonna be one, work hard to keep up the tradition.  Here's an idea of why.....

Yesteday during my Monday morning commute, which is insane, by the way, in itself, the traffic was queued up for most of the 25 miles it is to travel, so I had an extra two hours to listen to the morning radio show.  The topic of the day happened to be Growing old disgracefully, which seems to be the new trend according to the radio talk show host.  They did  a feature on an only online magazine for over 50’s.  Sorry can’t remember the name now .  The guest speaker however kept my attention.

At 50 years old she took her CBT (you knew it had to be about bikes.)  At 55 she bought her Harley and has been a member of the Harley Owners Group and has never looked back.  She’s ridden from Land’s End to John O’Groats for charity.  She’s planning on doing Europe next.  She’s done all sorts and can’t remember her age although I’m sure she gave it a few times. 

The presenter seemed amazed.  I wasn’t.  I’m only a couple years younger than her when she did her CBT.  Made perfect sense to me.  She put it rather aptly when she said – it wasn’t about a midlife crisis it was about changing a lifestyle to living.  She found support in the motorcycle club she joined and never looked back.  Why should she be a shrinking violet?  Why should she grow old gracefully – why couldn’t she do and be what she wanted to be.  My mind couldn’t help but wander back to when my mother was reaching her sixties and was really into Erma Bombeck and the poem widely circulated to most in this element I’m sure – When I get old I shall wear purple.

It’s actually called Warning and read by Jenny herself who wrote it in 1961 here - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8cACbzanitg.

But the fact of the matter is I was amazed about how little people really allow people to get out side of the box they want them to in the discussions on the radio.  It made for good radio I suppose because the woman was encountering complete opposition in the interviewer – so there were both sides present and accounted for – which is another thing that makes me chuckle about Yorkshire.   The presenter was a Yorkshireman.  Those of you who are English will understand my point immediately, and for my older American friends  - let’s just say it was like an older Betty Boop on a bike having a conversation with Archie Bunker.

(I’ll pause for impact.)

I ended up at work with a smile because it finally dawned on me, much as Yorkshire would like folk to believe they’ve kept true to their stereotype, there are folks far and wide on Yorkshire land – that just ain’t  gonna give that stereotype a hand.

I listened while the lady told of how she customised her Harley and how everywhere on the bike was something about somebody she loved, children, grandchildren – full pictures on the fairings, something for each place she’s been, for her the glory has been travelling.  This bike she described must be quite a beast – full of storage and flaring and decorations.  Finally as the interviewer tried to end the talk show time he asked her a final question which by American standard would have been quite rude and inconsiderate but after 13 years I’m getting kind of used to it – and she simply replied with a quote that will never leave me,  “ You just don’t understand, it’s in me blood. “ 

Kudos to her - she never lost touch with her heart. Whomever she is wherever she is I wish her all the best.

Within

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.

I want to know what you ache for,

and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are,

I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams,

for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon.

I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow,

if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shriveled and closed

from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own,

without moving to hide or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own:

if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers

and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic,

or to remember the limitations of being a human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you’re telling me is true.

I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself;

if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.

I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore be trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see the beauty even when it is not pretty everyday,

and if you can source your life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge

of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes”!

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.

I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair,

weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you are, or how you came to be here, I want to know if you

Will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.

I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself

and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

- Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Another half a day that changed my life

(it's a long one, get comfortable dear reader)

Last night it was hailing so much the ground was white.  The wind was blowing, making that haunting sound around the stone house blowing cold air in the vents and freezing anyone near one at the time.  I was worried my plans for riding today would be cancelled.  I wasn’t much more hopeful this morning when I opened my eyes  although the hail was gone the skies were dark and foreboding.  Rain was pelting the window with some ferocity like a handful of pebbles.  I smiled there was still hope the wind wasn’t all that strong..  My walking waterproofs would finally get some use for the first time in ages.  The ride in was slow rarely over 20 mph. But once over Queensbury Moor the rain stalled out to that fine stuff that wets you through.  There might be a lot of hope for a ride.   At one point I was worried I would be late thanks to a roundabout queue over three miles long, but in the end,  I arrived 10 minutes early.

 I was outfitted in my walking boots with my waterproofs and borrowed helmet, gloves, jacket.   Today’s machine was a Yamaha EBZ – or I think that was what was might have the letters mixed up.  The chassis was a little short for my long legs and consequently sitting on it I wanted to sit back further than the moulded seat preferred me so my thigh muscles got a workout and my backside has a dent where the ridge was that is a little tender.   In many ways, it handled completely differently than the Van Van from last week, and there were a lot of things I liked about that.  But you didn’t have to give the throttle a lot of action and that messed me up  a bit.   This one, unlike the Van Van, would continue to go when there was no throttle, once I had that understood, I was absolutely fine.    I still managed to stall it a few times though.

Today’s instructor was Cliff – who is an absolutely fantastic instructor. He is a retired police office and he absolutely makes riding a motorcycle look smooth and fluid and it didn’t take him long to size me up and put things to me in a way I understood.  Doing as he wished  however was another matter in some cases.  But he was patient.   For a second time on a bike I think I did ok and we stopped where I was comfortable and confident a great place to be for next time.  There have been others worse than me, the story of a gent that took 5 tries before he got on the road so I’m still ahead of some.  It all depends on the first 45 minutes next time so after my theory here is hoping the third time is the charm.

Today was all about gear changing and with wet conditions it gave me a new appreciation for the visor in a helmet – fogged it up first go.  I remembered my training and cracked it open a bit and watched droplets form impairing vision, so in the end set it so it kept my glasses dry and I could see.  This is obviously going to be a consideration for the helmet I decide to buy.   I was kinda grateful for the rain it meant not many folks were hanging about today.    The gloves were a little too big so that hampered clutch control a bit. Mental note – get properly fitting gloves it’ll help.

 Eventually I got it all going on again.   Then it was gear changes – which I have down as a system but today was all about the boots.  The boots were so wrong for this bike with my legs at a weird angle and the boots being just that little bit too tall in the toe, I had no problem finding neutral when I wanted second – which after a couple times I just kept going and fixed.  Eventually the ride around the track was smooth.   I hesitate to say it but there were a few laps around that I actually felt the total natural come out.

Of course then I had to change direction.   That simple thing – and I had to start all over again.  Thank goodness the instructor was a patient man.  He did get quite a few laughs at me the first lap.  As I learned to listen to the bike and realise what I had to correct it got smoother and smoother.   Then there was the emergency stop – did it once nearly, did it over the line once then nailed it perfectly twice as obviously the system to stop clicked.   Then it was all about practice and getting the granny out of the girl.   By the end of it I was touching the speeds I should be on my rounds around the track.

A bit of a chat and serious expression of gratitude for his patience I was off.  The first place I went?  Down the road to J27 to the bike shop.  A new pair of gloves and a pair of boots at a discount and on sale.  Met the lovely folks at the shop who’d just been talking to R2 and knew they’d already heard about me.   It occurred to me as I was enjoying a nice warm coffee and having a bit of a chat that this whole thing was so much bigger a thing for me than I first thought.

I explained to Ann that next week was theory and helmet.  We’d set the time aside to choose the right one and explained what I was doing.  I explained I’d not told hubby about it and she asked if I had plans on how to tell him.   She suggested buying the bike and turning up with it.  I laughed, that’d make it seem like a midlife crisis.  She did say if I didn’t do it right it’d be an expensive midlife crisis.  She had a point.

I left rather happy and appreciative.   I’m really beginning to like this new world I’m opening up.  I headed home.    I checked on the house – hubby was home.  So I went home.  I walked in the door (at half twelve in the day when I should be at work) in jeans and a cotton shirt.  

And this is where the rest of the real changes started to happen, why it's a half day rather than a mere 120 minutes. 

No hello from hubby – he launched straight into politics.   At some point I stopped him and pointed out I was home in the middle of the day on a normal working day – did he have anything to ask?  He asked if I got fired.  OK I can understand that  as a first question given what is going on at work lately but STILL.  I pointed out I had jeans on.   He asked if I quit work.   I repeated I had jeans on and I obviously took the day off.  He looked at me for the first time and said, “So are you going to tell me what you’ve been up to?”

So began the long talk.  I made it quite clear.   Or so I thought at the time. What did he get out of all that?  He could get a bike if he got me one to practice on.   At that point I realised he still doesn’t get the message.   I couldn’t help but smile –  I’m not fooled by his act anymore.  He has no idea that Kaz isn’t a doormat in any shape matter or form and although he may think the backbone is only temporary he really has no idea of the power shift that just took place, which is most likely because it occurred in me.

Later on tonight as is his way he popped into a motorcycle shop.  While hubby was looking around after telling the owner I told him tonight I was taking my CBT so we need a pair of bikes I told him I waited till I knew it was right for me before I told him knowing he’d immediately want his own bike, so the catch is he has to get me one too.  Hubby proceeded to pick his bike and tell me what would be done about mine.  I was having none of it.  No way I was going to have my bum seen on what he picked for me. The owner asked me what I was thinking, told him had no idea really, knew I needed a bike for 34 inch legs and my weight.  Told him a few of the bikes I liked the look of – hubby muttered something like “Oh my God, my wife likes crotch rockets.”    The owner said the bike for me is the Honda Vadangerous – I mean Vandaro .  We had a laugh about that.   He pegged the situation from the start and I gave him the credit. He then put hubby on a bunch of bikes probably more for our amusement than to help hubby – including a Harley which looked pretty funny.   

It was interesting watching hubby try to tell the owner about bikes.   Even in the time we were there which wasn’t all that long,  the owner looked at me and said “He doesn’t listen does he,” three times!  I really laughed when the owner literally stopped hubby and said, “You’re not getting it... it’s like this... If KAZ completes her CBT, then KAZ .... etc.”  I was nearly giggling as he said “Kaz” at least 20 times as he explained the route to the full motorcycle license – there is no DAS anymore, it’s CBT, Theory, Module 1, Module 2.  Restricted to 125 2 years with learner plates on passing a CBT. If Module 1 and 2 on a 33 bHp limited big bike can ride bigger bikes if not two years on a 125 – then can ride anything so most cost effective way is two years on a 125.   He agreed with me the key is bum on seat and need a bike now.  Of course he’s selling bikes and training.   I got the owners card and the details. 

Hubby’s choice for him?   The Yamaha XJR 1300. 

Well not quite like that photo - the bike is like an old style cruiser that has been in a garage for years unused with only 500 miles on it for about £5K.

No, he didn't hand over a card or make a purchase tonight.

Later I found out the Honda Varadero is also  called the Baby V (how sweet)  and is overpriced by about £800 to £1000, hmm, methinks the owner could see my hubby coming. (Smlle).   Granted I’m sure it looks good and all that but not so sure it is the bike for me just yet.  Looking over reviews on the internet it’s generally accepted as a good learner bike with a big bike feel but consequently a bit unforgiving if you’re hard with the brakes, doesn’t like wind, can be unforgiving on cornering badly, looses against steep hills (hmm, where I live that could be an issue) and hasn’t got a fuel gauge.   On the plus side, it’s a great physical fit. There is something to be said for that but I have to sit on a bunch of other bikes, see what a test ride is like, and be convinced yet. But for now that tells me something about the bike I need and for me I’m still on the lookout, because to me it’s too expensive for a two year 125 and only a stepping stone to the real bike.  Still need to do some thinking.

ADDENDUM: In case you're thinking I was fooled, I'm not. I left it as it was because nothing transacted and no point fighting about nothing, and it provided a unique opportunity to see the workings of his mindset - which is entirely ridiculous.   However, when the time arises where taking a stand against him is necessary I shall most likely without hesitation I'm sure.  In the meantime I'm keeping it real and looking after myself - and I know my bike will be entirely my responsibilty - and in no way after this display will he contribute.